Whether in work or life, loyalty is important.
It is part of the foundation of a relationship based on reciprocity, honesty, and reliability. That’s why it can be hurtful when people aren’t loyal to us. Especially when we are close to these people, disloyal behavior can even turn our lives upside down.
Looking back, I remember a few situations in life where people were anything but loyal to me. As you can probably imagine, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Mainly because I only noticed the lack when I needed loyalty the most.
That’s the crux of loyalty: It often only proves itself in situations that are perceived as stressful.
So when people support each other in difficult times, it is called loyalty.
Even though my personal experience hit me pretty hard back then, today I’m not upset about it and don’t view the situation cynically. On the contrary, looking back, it was one of the most important experiences in my life.
What did I learn from this?
The responsibility lies with ourselves
As mentioned at the beginning, it can be hurtful when people are disloyal to us. I had exactly this experience. And because the people were very close to me, the fact hit me even harder.
If you ever experience a situation like this, here’s what I can give you: Allow yourself to process your emotions. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, and confused. Don’t suppress your emotions as this can lead to more pain and stagnation in the long run. Instead, take time to reflect on your emotions at your own pace.
After my emotional pain subsided, I asked myself a central question: Why were these people disloyal to me?
The answer to this was not easy to find. And what I ended up with wasn’t exactly an answer that I necessarily liked.
But first things first…
First of all, it is important to understand that each person has their priorities and reasons for their behavior. Perhaps some of them are completely unaware of the impact of their actions.
It is therefore advisable that we communicate our feelings to the people who have hurt us and try to understand their perspective too. There may be a misunderstanding or miscommunication that needs to be resolved.
However, if the other person continues to disregard our feelings and behave disloyally, it is time to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether we want to maintain it.
Both aspects also shaped the answer I was looking for. So over time, I realized that I too had done my part.
On the one hand, there were signs of disloyalty much earlier that I didn’t notice or didn’t want to notice. On the other hand, I didn’t act consistently, that is, after someone rejected my offers to talk, I didn’t draw any conclusions; for example, ending the relationship.
One more thing is important for me to mention:
When you have experienced or will experience disloyalty, trusting other people can be very challenging. The background is that your values may have begun to waver.
My experience was that I was extremely confused and could no longer trust my instincts, or even myself. This made it impossible for me to differentiate between the people who were disloyal to me and the few who wanted to support me.
A good friend once told me:
When you find yourself in the eye of an emotional hurricane, having a somewhat objective perspective on the situation is all but impossible.
How you can deal with the situation better
When people aren’t loyal to you, it can be difficult to know what to do next.
Here are five points to improve the situation:
1. Take time to process your emotions
A lack of loyalty or betrayal can be a painful experience. It’s important to take time to reflect and process your emotions. You may feel angry, hurt, or confused; and that’s okay. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to fully experience them.
2. Communicate with the person who hurt you
If you feel comfortable, try having an open and honest conversation with the person about how their actions have affected you. Describe exactly what you are feeling and why. It’s possible that the person didn’t realize the impact of their behavior on you. A conversation can help clear up any misunderstandings.
3. Consider the other person’s perspective
While it’s important to communicate your feelings, it’s also important to understand the other person’s perspective. It may have its reasons for its behavior that you are not aware of. Try to approach the conversation with an open mind and a willingness to listen.
4. Re-evaluate the relationship level
Depending on the outcome of your conversation, you would do well to re-evaluate the relationship. Is this a one-time incident or a pattern of behavior? Is this a relationship that brings positivity and support into your life, or is it doing you more harm than good? It’s crucial to answer these questions honestly and make a decision that is best for your well-being.
5. Move forward consistently
Whether you decide to work on the relationship or give up on it, it’s important to move forward consistently. Don’t get stuck in the past and don’t wallow in self-doubt. Concentrate on the future and create a positive situation.
Final thought
Remember that loyal people stick with us through thick and thin and always have our back. It is better to have a handful of loyal people around you than a large group of unreliable ones.
Appreciate the people who bring positivity and support into your life. And learn to let go of those who don’t.
